This past week I have continued my journey. Sometimes my sessions were rewarding to me, others seemed like time spent doing something I should do - not always feeling that I wanted to be there. Yet I remain steadfast in the belief that meditation, whatever form, is indeed something that I should do. Therefore, I accept that not every session will seem meaningful at the time.
I understand from my reading that I may be led astray by what Zen masters call "Makyo" - illusions that we project on reality as an aid to escaping the 'directions'. The directions being to simply breathe and be; or simply observe, breathe and be; or to simply move, breathe and be. These illusions may manifest as sensations. A person may feel every sort of sensation - smells, touch, sound, light. In fact, the Sutra lists 50 types of Makyo. Masters caution not to become overly interested or involved with these sensations. Roshi, a Zen teacher, said, "Makyo do not occur when you are dawdling, neither to they appear when your practice has ripened....They indicate the intensity of your concentration." Saint Gregory of Sinai also warned against "visions" (a sensation - also a Makyo, although not in his language). He called them fantasies.
Sometimes I experience sensations - Makyos, if you will. I find them pleasant. But I heed the Masters. These are not the goal of meditation. Likewise, coming to expect them may bring disappointment and cause me to lose sight of the fact that there is no end - no place where I will arrive one day and say "here I am - this is it". Meditation is a time to be - and to remember that I am spirit.
