"Many have no happier moments than those that they pass in solitude, abandoned to their own imagination, which sometimes puts sceptres in their hands....." ~Johnson
Yesterday I ran across an old journal that I had written in but never filled all the pages. For some reason I had put it on a shelf and forgot about it. On finding it I thought I should finish filling it. I had not recorded anything since 2007. A lot of time had passed. I read one of my entries from August 2007 - five years ago. It seems I had done a meditation that summer morning on my patio. I had been working in some kind of spiritual workbook and was contemplating the thought: "What do you want?" Interestingly, I really didn't know what I wanted. I began to imagine what it is that I might really want. I gave myself Reiki as I did this. What I imagined on that morning I had no hope of attaining at that moment in time. But now 5 years later I am astounded to find that I have attained exactly what I imagined on that summer morning 5 years before. After all I have read about intention and energy I should know this is possible and I shouldn't be surprised. But I am. And that is probably just fine - it reminds me that there is still mystery and magic. Leonard Cohen said it well: "God is afoot, magic is alive....magic never died."
And so I continue to journey in the mystery. I practiced QiGong on Thursday - no feeling Qi, no fun, just moving through the motions. On Friday I practiced yoga - the stretching and breathing felt wonderful. Sitting afterward in lotus was serene. On Saturday I practiced QiGong again and was able to feel the Qi moving - very pleasant. Today my meditation was listening to Bach's Mass in B Minor. Nothing marvelous has happened..........no levitating, no apparition......just traveling on the road, wondering about magic and mystery.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
meditating on Qi.....
Meditation is not only sitting in lotus position, eyes closed, incense burning, and chanting a mantra. There are many ways to meditate:
Good advice, I thought. And so, today I lit a candle and sat down to meditate but realized that was not what I needed. Instead I rose and did Qi Gong. I practice a form called Qigong Shibashi which is very simple and only has 18 movements. There are many other varieties but this one resonates with me. Usually I can feel the Qi moving and I think that is important. Today I felt myself moving through Qi and felt the Qi moving through me. It is a delicious feeling and a lovely way to begin my day...........
"Does one really have to fret
About enlightenment?
No matter what road I travel,
I'm going home."
~Shinsho
- tai chi, qi gong or some other moving meditation
- reading a devotional or spiritual doctrine and meditating on it
- loving kindness meditation or vipassana
- Sufi dancing
- singing
- chanting
Good advice, I thought. And so, today I lit a candle and sat down to meditate but realized that was not what I needed. Instead I rose and did Qi Gong. I practice a form called Qigong Shibashi which is very simple and only has 18 movements. There are many other varieties but this one resonates with me. Usually I can feel the Qi moving and I think that is important. Today I felt myself moving through Qi and felt the Qi moving through me. It is a delicious feeling and a lovely way to begin my day...........
"Does one really have to fret
About enlightenment?
No matter what road I travel,
I'm going home."
~Shinsho
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
yesterday and today......
Yesterday I continued my practice. Was it Day 1 again? Perhaps so. Rather than dwelling on that and all the negatives that it might contain I let it go like the smoke from my incense - which is pretty impressive for my usually obsessive mind. I sat in session and nothing miraculous happened. I just breathed in and out, again and again, until the session concluded with the bell of my timer.
Today I sat again breathing in and out but this time feeling a sense of peace and calm, despite the barking of my dog and being interrupted by it several times. Yet I came back to the moment. Eventually the stillness pervaded my being and I felt something undefinable. I had to remind myself to breathe as what I really wanted to do was just remain motionless so as to try to understand what I was feeling. Presently the feeling turned to something in my mind that looked and felt red. I don't know how else to explain it. I wondered what it could be but commanded myself to stop wondering and just breathe. There was no epiphany but I do believe this color had something to do with my root chakra. (this can be googled if you have no idea what I'm talking about). It was a deep, blood red with some parts of it nearly black. Red the color of rage and roses. It did not feel like either. It felt deep and comforting.
"The result is not the point; it is the effort to improve ourselves that is valuable. There is no end to this practice." ~ Shunryu Suzuki from Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind
Today I sat again breathing in and out but this time feeling a sense of peace and calm, despite the barking of my dog and being interrupted by it several times. Yet I came back to the moment. Eventually the stillness pervaded my being and I felt something undefinable. I had to remind myself to breathe as what I really wanted to do was just remain motionless so as to try to understand what I was feeling. Presently the feeling turned to something in my mind that looked and felt red. I don't know how else to explain it. I wondered what it could be but commanded myself to stop wondering and just breathe. There was no epiphany but I do believe this color had something to do with my root chakra. (this can be googled if you have no idea what I'm talking about). It was a deep, blood red with some parts of it nearly black. Red the color of rage and roses. It did not feel like either. It felt deep and comforting.
"The result is not the point; it is the effort to improve ourselves that is valuable. There is no end to this practice." ~ Shunryu Suzuki from Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind
Monday, August 20, 2012
stumbling.............
"If you meditate regularly, even when you don't feel like it, you will make great gains, for it will allow you to see how your thoughts impose limits on you." ~ Ram Dass
Day 9 dawned with me feeling unwell. Each hour I thought I would feel better the next hour. This continued until the day was done. So have I failed? My head says yes. But somewhere deep within I know that I must press on. I ask again whether I have failed? Perhaps not. If you stumble on the path, is the journey over? Indeed not. I will pick myself up, brush myself off and begin again.......
Day 9 dawned with me feeling unwell. Each hour I thought I would feel better the next hour. This continued until the day was done. So have I failed? My head says yes. But somewhere deep within I know that I must press on. I ask again whether I have failed? Perhaps not. If you stumble on the path, is the journey over? Indeed not. I will pick myself up, brush myself off and begin again.......
imprisoned...........
So I managed 7 days of daily meditation. But on Day 8 - a day with no demands, when several hours of free time stretched before me - I let the day slip by without a meditation session. Huh? What happened? Ram Dass said in his book, "Journey of Awakening": "Your resistances to meditation are your mental prisons in miniature." I am left thinking that for all my feeling of freedom I was, in fact, imprisoned. I am not sure why I forged these bars but I must accept that I did this - no one else.
I refuse to see this as a failure. Instead I see this as a light shining in a dark place.
I refuse to see this as a failure. Instead I see this as a light shining in a dark place.
Friday, August 17, 2012
uneventful?............
nothing special in this morning's meditation session. uneventful. but continued in the work........trusting in the mystery........
i left my meditation this morning and moved onto the rigors of life -- a meeting, miles from my home, traffic, the stresses of an agenda, the chaos of greetings and reunions. Regardless of the demands of my job, society, traffic patterns and traversing new terrain, I am able to enjoy the camaraderie of the group and ignore the agenda. Regardless of the demands of personalities different, stronger and spicier than my own I am able to enjoy the spirit of the occasion. Initially I rely on the agenda to move into the day , the meeting. But I find myself leaning into each personality, appreciating their differences, their sameness, their uniqueness. I am impressed by each of their spirits. I am moved by their words, their gifts. I am honored to be in their presence. I am honored to know them. I am honored to serve them. I find stillness in the simple pleasure of the present. I find ecstasy in their sharing - and they share so much: their experiences, their feelings, their wisdom........I am moved beyond words........
I wonder if the morning's meditation is really uneventful...................
i left my meditation this morning and moved onto the rigors of life -- a meeting, miles from my home, traffic, the stresses of an agenda, the chaos of greetings and reunions. Regardless of the demands of my job, society, traffic patterns and traversing new terrain, I am able to enjoy the camaraderie of the group and ignore the agenda. Regardless of the demands of personalities different, stronger and spicier than my own I am able to enjoy the spirit of the occasion. Initially I rely on the agenda to move into the day , the meeting. But I find myself leaning into each personality, appreciating their differences, their sameness, their uniqueness. I am impressed by each of their spirits. I am moved by their words, their gifts. I am honored to be in their presence. I am honored to know them. I am honored to serve them. I find stillness in the simple pleasure of the present. I find ecstasy in their sharing - and they share so much: their experiences, their feelings, their wisdom........I am moved beyond words........
I wonder if the morning's meditation is really uneventful...................
Thursday, August 16, 2012
making friends with being......
"The key to transformation is to make friends with this moment. What form it takes doesn't matter. Say yes to it. Allow it. Be with it." ~Eckhart Tolle
This morning I made friends with my moment of meditation. I let go of any expectation - any outcome. I simply focused on breathing and being. Nothing dramatic happened. But then stillness is not dramatic, is it?
I am grateful for the wisdom of Ram Dass. In his book, "Journey of Awakening", he cautions those who meditate to be open to whatever experience comes without judging - having NO opinion at all about a meditation session. Ram Dass said, "It is important to expect nothing, to take every experience, including the negative ones, as merely steps on the path....." This advice removes the pressure that I am doing something wrong if something grand doesn't happen. I accept it as work. Its funny that just "being" could be work, isn't it?
This morning I made friends with my moment of meditation. I let go of any expectation - any outcome. I simply focused on breathing and being. Nothing dramatic happened. But then stillness is not dramatic, is it?
I am grateful for the wisdom of Ram Dass. In his book, "Journey of Awakening", he cautions those who meditate to be open to whatever experience comes without judging - having NO opinion at all about a meditation session. Ram Dass said, "It is important to expect nothing, to take every experience, including the negative ones, as merely steps on the path....." This advice removes the pressure that I am doing something wrong if something grand doesn't happen. I accept it as work. Its funny that just "being" could be work, isn't it?
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
sacredness.....
"Give yourself completely to the act of listening. Beyond the sounds there is something greater: a sacredness that cannot be understood through thought." ~ Eckhart Tolle
The struggle to be still and listen continues. I recall words from Eckhart Tolle - the power in just being - not an original thought; rather an ancient one; taught by many masters. I take heart and let go the struggle. I stop squinting my eyes and forcing my thoughts to stop. I open my eyes. There is my cup of tea, its fragrance rising over the brim; my sweet dog sleeping in the sun; a candle flickering in a blue holder. My breaths are slow and steady. The clock ticks. I remain still and quiet. I feel dense. There are no thoughts. There is only being. Even now words cannot capture this moment - ordinary yet sacred.
The struggle to be still and listen continues. I recall words from Eckhart Tolle - the power in just being - not an original thought; rather an ancient one; taught by many masters. I take heart and let go the struggle. I stop squinting my eyes and forcing my thoughts to stop. I open my eyes. There is my cup of tea, its fragrance rising over the brim; my sweet dog sleeping in the sun; a candle flickering in a blue holder. My breaths are slow and steady. The clock ticks. I remain still and quiet. I feel dense. There are no thoughts. There is only being. Even now words cannot capture this moment - ordinary yet sacred.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
listening...........
It has been said: “Prayer is when you talk to God; meditation is when you listen to God.”
I don't know who said it but I believe it is true. Even so, today it was difficult to listen to anything but the chaos of my own mind. Perhaps this is what some folks call the devil; others name it temptation; others say it is the ego........Certainly it distracts and disturbs and dilutes the stillness. So do you give up? Run away from it? Silence it? Today I swirled in the tumble of confusion, thinking I would be swept away by it. But I steadfastly returned time and again to my breath - the slow and steady in and out; the ebb and flow. Until gradually I rose above the chaos and confusion. I hovered there and listened to the sound of nothing........and everything.............
I don't know who said it but I believe it is true. Even so, today it was difficult to listen to anything but the chaos of my own mind. Perhaps this is what some folks call the devil; others name it temptation; others say it is the ego........Certainly it distracts and disturbs and dilutes the stillness. So do you give up? Run away from it? Silence it? Today I swirled in the tumble of confusion, thinking I would be swept away by it. But I steadfastly returned time and again to my breath - the slow and steady in and out; the ebb and flow. Until gradually I rose above the chaos and confusion. I hovered there and listened to the sound of nothing........and everything.............
Monday, August 13, 2012
monkey mind
that's what the Buddhists call it............thoughts jumping around from here to there, thinking about this and that. That's what Day 3 of my 28 day meditation was like: thinking about work and what I needed to do there, my family, those that are hurting, those that are undergoing major changes, my diet, an upcoming vacation.............yeah, yeah. Sounds like all the stuff I think about on a regular basis - and is, as so often happens, intruding on my peacefulness. What is that Ram Dass and all those that have struggled with these intrusions recommend? Ahhh, yes........Let those thoughts float out as clouds. Let them float by on leaves in a stream. So that's what I do. I put them on clouds. The clouds become a mist and the thoughts persist. I lay them out on leaves and let them float until they clog up the drain of somewhere -- still stuck in my mind. I remember to breathe. In. Out. In. Out. I begin to think of myself as a lotus blossom floating in a pond, a lake, somewhere. My lotus self pulled in breath - air - chi - qi. I envisioned it filling my abdomen, my lower body, my legs. I see the chi - the energy - filling me from the bottom to the top of myself and then I release it. I pull it in again. And I let go again. I continue again.............and again.......and without realizing it I am in the 'zone'. And then the timer I have set for 20 minutes alarms. My time for meditation is over. I find that I have come to a place of peacefulness. Peaceful stillness. It is a good place.
I arise. I go to work. It is hectic. I am okay. Monkey mind happens all day but I accept it.............
I arise. I go to work. It is hectic. I am okay. Monkey mind happens all day but I accept it.............
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Day # 2
Day 1 began with a high flying idea -- if I put myself out there, right on the edge..........well, either I would soar to new heights or plummet to the depths. I spent time in meditation and it was peaceful and full of joy. And so I began my first blog adventure with a promise to myself and the world that I would continue on this path for 28 days - a moon's cycle. That felt right...........and I have heard that anything that is continued for that length of time will become a habit. And what a pleasant, fulfilling habit that would be for me.
And so on Day 2 of my resolution I lit a candle, a stick of incense and began again. The session began in earnest and I felt myself sinking into the 'zone'. But then came an unwanted thought and another and another. And rudest of all came the thought of a person that I find most annoying. I fell down, down, down the rabbit hole of thinking and remembering. I recalled snatches of conversations with this person, feelings welled up - irritation, mostly. I realized that my meditation time was being kidnapped by this thought. Where was the peace? the stillness?
I began again - this time concentrating on a breath cycle (one in breath; one out breath). I managed two, I believe, before the annoying person and my irritable feelings showed up again. I sighed..........and then chuckled at myself. I decided to breathe in 'love' and breathe out 'loving kindness', first to myself and then to this person. (this is something I have learned over time - if you're interested, google "loving kindness meditation" and you'll find sufficient reading there to help you get the point). The end result is that the irritation dissipated and I moved out of the rabbit hole and back to the peace and stillness of the meditation -- which carried me forward into the day........
Its only Day 2 and I've tumbled down a rabbit hole. Ahhh! The journey continues.
And so on Day 2 of my resolution I lit a candle, a stick of incense and began again. The session began in earnest and I felt myself sinking into the 'zone'. But then came an unwanted thought and another and another. And rudest of all came the thought of a person that I find most annoying. I fell down, down, down the rabbit hole of thinking and remembering. I recalled snatches of conversations with this person, feelings welled up - irritation, mostly. I realized that my meditation time was being kidnapped by this thought. Where was the peace? the stillness?
I began again - this time concentrating on a breath cycle (one in breath; one out breath). I managed two, I believe, before the annoying person and my irritable feelings showed up again. I sighed..........and then chuckled at myself. I decided to breathe in 'love' and breathe out 'loving kindness', first to myself and then to this person. (this is something I have learned over time - if you're interested, google "loving kindness meditation" and you'll find sufficient reading there to help you get the point). The end result is that the irritation dissipated and I moved out of the rabbit hole and back to the peace and stillness of the meditation -- which carried me forward into the day........
Its only Day 2 and I've tumbled down a rabbit hole. Ahhh! The journey continues.
Saturday, August 11, 2012
beginning......
If anyone is there and wants to know what I mean by "the mystery" I'm talking about all the stuff we don't understand or really even know for certain like:
Therefore, the biggest mystery to me is: if meditation is something that I LIKE to do and I feel good when I'm doing it and after I'm done and I sense that it makes a difference - WHY do I avoid it? Oh, I have begun "a practice" on several occasions. I might have even managed to meditate every day for 2 weeks. But then something happens. I skip a day. I'm too tired to get up early enough in the morning (before work). Or I'm too tired when I get home after work. Or I'm too busy. Or I travel out of town. Or I have guests in the house. It might be as limp as I just don't feel like it. What's up with all the excuses? This, Readers, is a mystery! Moreover, I've talked to other folks who tell me the same thing about meditation or prayer or devotionals or exercise...............so its not just ME, right?
So the purpose of this blog today is to promise myself and anyone who might be listening that I am going to meditate every day for 28 days - one moon cycle. There's nothing else auspicious about today other than beginning the blog ............oh, yeah, and its the birthday of one of my dearest friends. So happy birthday to her and happy.........well, happy whatever to me - its a mystery.
- is there are a god?
- what happens when we die?
- does prayer really change anything?
- why are we here - really? (and if you grew up Southern Baptist like I did, you know the "church answer" for this one - but I'm talking about REALLY why do you think you're here? No quotes from some sermon you heard - insert YOUR thoughts)
Therefore, the biggest mystery to me is: if meditation is something that I LIKE to do and I feel good when I'm doing it and after I'm done and I sense that it makes a difference - WHY do I avoid it? Oh, I have begun "a practice" on several occasions. I might have even managed to meditate every day for 2 weeks. But then something happens. I skip a day. I'm too tired to get up early enough in the morning (before work). Or I'm too tired when I get home after work. Or I'm too busy. Or I travel out of town. Or I have guests in the house. It might be as limp as I just don't feel like it. What's up with all the excuses? This, Readers, is a mystery! Moreover, I've talked to other folks who tell me the same thing about meditation or prayer or devotionals or exercise...............so its not just ME, right?
So the purpose of this blog today is to promise myself and anyone who might be listening that I am going to meditate every day for 28 days - one moon cycle. There's nothing else auspicious about today other than beginning the blog ............oh, yeah, and its the birthday of one of my dearest friends. So happy birthday to her and happy.........well, happy whatever to me - its a mystery.
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